Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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