she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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