Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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