If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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