so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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