ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
