That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
