Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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