Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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