It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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