1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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