hell yes lets make some ravioli
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
