I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
