i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
