Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
