I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
