I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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