I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
