I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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