I wish life had little blips of pornography
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
