I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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