I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
