The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
