Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
