i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize