Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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