Fine. I'll sleep in my office
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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