do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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