A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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