Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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