Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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