You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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