just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
