...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
