And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
