her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
