this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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