from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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