quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
