I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
