Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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