I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
