Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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