it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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