I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
