Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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