The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
