i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
