If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
