We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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