I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
