Michael Bay diarrhea
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
