I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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