I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
