So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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