the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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