Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
