The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
