i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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